All the best stories start this way:
Four women, including the man’s wife, in court after allegedly imprisoning their former lover and supergluing his genitals to his stomach.
Got to love the closure though:
The man got free from the bed by chewing through one of his bindings, went outside and borrowed a telephone from the motel owner to call police.
Chewing through his bindings. With his dick stuck to his stomach. Rock and roll.
(It’s a little old, but hey)
According to reports from Hong Kong, the “lonely and disturbed” Mr Xing told police he thought it would be fun to have sex with the bench, UK’s The Telegraph reported.
[thanks Big Stevie V]
Wichita, Kansas police arrested a man Sunday morning for attacking a police horse with a 5ft long inflatable penis. As in they used an inflatable penis to attack the horse: the horse didn’t have a… never mind.
The man was accompanying a group of women on a “Bachelorette party” when two officers on horseback spoke to the group. The man, who had previously been “joking around” with the penis thought it would be funny to hurl it at an officer, but missed and hit the horse instead, spooking the horse.
Teenager in Berkshire paints an enormous knob on the roof of their large country house, which they fail to notice for about a year. He’s gone travelling, and only whilst he’s away has it been spotted. Which is pretty funny.
[BBC Radio 1 News, via Chickerino]
Xeni at BoingBoing recently reported on the unlikely sounding crime of penis theft in Benin, Nigeria, and other places in West Africa.
On a busy November day in a bustling public street market in Cotonou, some Beninese people started shouting that their man-junk had been stolen by a group of men nearby, who happened to be Nigerian. A mob soon formed, things got hysterical fast. The mob poured gasoline on the accused and set them on fire, killing them.
It sort of helps me get my confidence back about justice & law enforcement in the places I’ve lived, although not completely. At least there’s a reasonable effort at due process.
[BoingBoing]
Taken on Westminster Bridge this afternoon.
Fnarr!
[Nice work, Andy!]
Kingpin blogs about an ongoing prank/investigation about how often stores checked that the signature on his receipt or electronic panel actually matched the one on the back of his card. In the UK we’re largely isolated from this problem through the Chip-and-PIN system, however stores & restaurants still have to accept signatures to accompany non-UK issued cards.
(Kingpin draws a cartoon penis on the signature panel of the card machine)
Manager: Sir, your signature…heh…umm…doesn’t match the signature on your card.
Kingpin: I know and there is a good reason for that.
Manager: (quietly) You drew a penis on my credit card machine.
**The guy behind me bursts into laughter.**
Kingpin: Yeah, I didn’t think this would happen. I’ve been trying to see how far I could go with my signature before the credit card company did something about it.
Manager: I guess you learned your lesson.
Kingpin: Yeah, the credit card doesn’t accept penis.
**The guy behind me now can’t stop laughing.**
Manager: OK, I’m going to decline the signature and have you sign it again.
Kingpin: Fair enough.
Manager: This time, really sign it.
Anecdotally by way of someone I met at a party, in the 1970’s this guy had an incident with his accountant following a business trip to Hong Kong. While reviewing the VISA statement he saw a transaction for a large-ish sum of money at an expensive hotel bar, which he didn’t remember spending, and disputed the sale. Copies of the receipt were eventually produced, and the signature on the strip clearly said “Mickey Mouse“. The cardholder immediately said that it was obviously fraudulent, and the transaction was reversed. A couple of months later, while recounting the incident to his business partner he was suddenly interrupted by his wife, saying “Don’t you remember? After dinner at the [restaurant name] we went with [other people] to the [hotel name] and had a few drinks. You were drunk, and when the bill came you were mouthing off about how nobody ever checks the signatures, and you could sign whatever you liked… after which you made a point of signing it Mickey Mouse!”.
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