Piecost.Net

The town of Raschala in Austria was so proud of the fact that Mozart stopped off for a Jimmy Riddle there once that they erected a Mozart Pinkelstein (“Mozart pee-stone”) to commemorate the historic event.  Not content with immortalising it in stone, however, the local tourism board has decided that a more fitting tribute would be an annual festival of beer and music.

“Local people always remarked on the fact that there was so little to do here even Mozart only stopped long enough to take a pee before carrying on with his journey to Prague.

As far as we can tell he drove through our town in 1787 – and asked the horse-carriage driver to stop so he could take a leak.”

Whether or not this move will prompt Salzburg into commissioning a Mozart Scheissebrunnen down a back alley off the Kapitelplatz remains unclear.

[TheMetro]

Candy manufacturer Haribo has come under fire from an idiot in Yorkshire who, during a visit to his local supermarket, decided that the graphics on the packaging were in fact pornographic.  The stylised cartoon fruit characters – each depicted with a smile of sorts – were presumably having more fun that would be ordinarily reasonable for citrus or stonefruit, and the only explanation is therefore that it must be covert smut-peddling.

“The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face. I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.”

That lime’s no gentleman, sir.

[props to The Puzzler]

In a fairly surprising and definitely unanticipated move, ATM provider Bank Machines has decided to equip their machines in London’s East End with a Cockney Rhyming Slang language mode.

Ron Delnevo, managing director of Bank Machine, said: “We wanted to introduce something fun and of local interest to our London machines.”

Excellent move Ron.  If there’s one thing that I find missing with the whole experience of getting cash out, it’s fun.  What better way to enhance the experience than to obfuscate all of the words involved in the banking process with charming whimsy?  Presumably the options will include the option to withdraw 2 or 4 ponies, or a monkey?  After you’ve inserted your slice o’lard in the kettle & pot, and typed in your Huck Finn, that is.

[sent in by Benn from Adelaide, aged 32]

[thanks Qüntley!]

The Winkle Song

Bikini Cinema – as the name suggests, lines from popular films are (over)acted by a series of girls modelling bikinis.  In this charming vignette we see highlights from Coen Brothers’ 1998 masterwork, The Big Lebowski.

[hear hear, well spotted Bruce!]

(The Peter Serafinowicz Show is now available for pre-order on Amazon UK)

New Google Service Lets Privacy Critics Opt-Out, Relocate To Remote Village

From Grenoble – in the French Alps – came titanic wrestler Andre The Giant, for whom any boy who grew up in the 80s will have an instant recollection of being the one who took on Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania III and Wrestlemania IV.  His height was reported to be various figures: the then WWF used to put him at a fairly optimistic 7′5″.  However according to this article, he also didn’t mind putting away a pint or two.

When the bartender hollered last call, Andre, slightly annoyed, announced that he didn’t care to leave. Rather than risk an altercation with his hulking customer, the bartender told Andre he could stay only if he was drinking, imagining, surely, that he would soon be rid of the big fella. Andre thanked the man, and proceeded to order 40 vodka tonics. He sat there drinking them, one after another, finishing the last at just after five in the morning.

Using Arnie as a wishbone

Comments at the bottom indicate doubt as to the accuracy of some of the article, but this bit made me giggle:

A very green rookie wrestler named Hulk Hogan toured Japan several times with Andre and witnessed the Giant’s alcohol consumption first hand. According to Hogan, Andre drank, at a minimum, a case of tall boys during each bus ride. When he finished a can Andre would belch, crush the can in his dinner-platter-sized hand, and bounce the empty off the back of Hogan’s head. Hogan learned to count each thunk, so he could anticipate when Andre was running low. Whenever the bus stopped, it was Hogan’s job to scamper off to the nearest store, buy as many cases of beer as he could carry, and make it back before the bus departed, a sight that never failed to make Andre roar his bassoon-like laugh.

[no idea who sent me this now, but well done, whoever it was]

Disappointingly, it doesn't really lend itself to an amusing pun.

Proving that there’s never too many ways to do something in a ridiculous manner, and following renditions in toast and in Post-It Notes, attention-seeking promotional types at a Sydney coffee festival have elected to recreate DaVinci’s famous portrait of the wife of a Florentian silk merchant through the medium of lots of little cups of coffee.

“The Mona Lisa has been reproduced so many times in so many different mediums but, as far as we know, never out of coffee.”

Ignorant pillocks.

Everyone knows that the plural of “medium” is “media”.

[The Telegraph, via Derren Brown's Blog]